Decisions and Regrets

I think I have some time right now to write something. As usual I don’t know where my mind will wonder off to. I don’t know where these words will take me.

Did you guys know there is a different keyboard? Supposedly, it’s actually better than the widespread keyboard that we all use. I was thinking about making the change after reading about it but I just keep putting it off.

I say I don’t put things off anymore but clearly I do. I guess now I am getting better at prioritizing things and making sure I don’t put off things that are important to me in that moment.

The challenge with that is, what is important to me in the moment always changes. One day it may be important to make money. The other, to spend time with family. The next to work on my body, and mind.

The real challenge is the ability to be able to work on all of these things every day. I don’t want to be a CEO of a huge company if it means I’ll be away from family. I don’t want to have loads of cash if it means I won’t get to enjoy the things money can buy. At the same time, I don’t want to grow old and have regrets.

What if I started that business? What if I just took some time to learn more about this? I wish I travelled more. I shouldn’t have sold that house. I should’ve spent more time with my loved ones.

These are things I don’t want to say on my death bed. Whenever that day may come. Seneca wrote something along the lines of, we are mortals in our fears, yet immortal in our desires. How true is that?

We think we can postpone things. Put it off and do it ‘someday’. That someday may never come. It took me nearly 3 years before I actually started my own business. It’s not a huge success yet. It will be. Maybe it won’t be this online store. Maybe it won’t be the thing after that. I’m at ease knowing that it will be a huge success. Even if it doesn’t make money, if I put my absolute best effort into it then I think that will be enough.

It will be enough because when I’m laying on my deathbed I won’t have that regret. I think, at this point in my life, that is important to me. To lead a life where Old Mehmet can look back and say “Those were good memories. I’m glad I tried it”.

We wouldn’t have had Niko if we listened to our parents. Well, it should be noted that Eliz’s mom was actually on our side and said we should get him if we want. It’s not like the rest of the parents were vehemently against it but they didn’t think the timing was right.

That’s understandable. We’re still young. They felt it would be like giving up our freedom. We won’t be able to travel if we wanted. We won’t be able to enjoy ourselves. They made decent points. They thought we wouldn’t be able to take care of a Doberman puppy with Eliz at school and me at work. These were all sound arguments.

In the midst of all these conversations that spanned a few weeks Eliz was telling me how much she wanted a dog. I think I was driving the car and she was going on about that or maybe she was talking about something else. I actually don’t remember what was being said but I remember thinking about us in the future. Thinking about being old and grey. Looking back on these days and saying to ourselves “What if we got a dog? We really wanted one.”

I turned to her, probably cut her off, and asked if it was going to make her happy. She replied yes. I knew getting a dog was going to make me happy so we decided we would. That’s what was most important to us at that moment. I discuss family and relationships with parents but sometimes only you know what’s best for you.

I didn’t want to regret not getting a puppy. We still talk about that decision. Eliz was the catalyst. She’s the one that really pushed it. I’m glad she did because Niko is awesome. I love this dog to death. It’s crazy how much having a dog has changed me.

Even if it turned out to be a disastrous situation, I still would have been happy with the decision because it was our decision. It wasn’t flawed by the influence of our parents. If it turned out to be a bad decision then I would’ve looked back and admitted the mistake but I still needed to make that mistake. That’s life. That’s where learning happens.

This is how I feel about my online store now. It’s how I feel about my work at bazinga. It’s how I feel with relationships with loved ones.

I’m going to try new things. I’m going to get out of my comfort zone. I’m going to be vulnerable. I think when I do these things that’s how I will grow. I’m going to make mistakes. I already have made mistakes in my online store. I’ve already made mistakes with this blog and it’s only my 9th or 10th post. I learn from it and move on. I’m just glad people are reading.

At times it’s really difficult to decide what is the most important thing to me because it’s ever-changing. My workaround for that is to ask Future Mehmet if this is something he ought to do. In Tools of Titans one of the guests said he visualized a conversation he had with his future self. He asked himself questions. Received guidance. I haven’t sat down and tried this exercise yet but I think I will begin to do before making big decisions. In a way I did it with my decision to get Niko. I just thought about my future self and if this decision would be regrettable. I found the answer after thinking about my self on the death bed because for a while I was on the fence.

Doing this more often will undoubtably make me a happier person because as dark as it is to always think about my own death, I think, it will make today that much brighter.

 

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Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

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