Stop Pushing

I push people. Everyone around me. I’m always trying to be encouraging and try to push people to start their own businesses. I push them to read more books. I push them to go after their goals. I push them to realize their own potential.

What right do I have? Who am I do push people around me to do these things when I’ve yet to accomplish anything?

As much as I want these things for myself I want these things for my family and friends too. I used to think the best way to get people to realize they can do more is by telling them. How short-sighted of me.

Why would they listen to me? I wasn’t even listening to me. I’d tell myself to read more books. I’d tell myself to start my own business. I’d tell myself to push for more at my job. Then I would watch hours upon hours of sports. I didn’t do any of those things. This went on for nearly two years.

I’m in it now. I’m trying to do all the above. Still I find myself telling my loved ones that they can do it too. They can read more. They can be more. I’m starting to realize it’s the wrong way to go about it.

Everyone has their own thoughts. Everyone has their own challenges. If I deal with mine differently than them, what makes me right? If something works for me, it doesn’t mean it’s going to work for anyone else. It may work for others but I don’t have the right to push people if they aren’t ready.

I realize this now. I have the type of personality where if my loved ones do well I’m extremely happy. If they aren’t feeling great my mood will change according to theirs. I’ve mentioned I’m an emotional person. This emotional roller coaster where I’m not the captain isn’t the best way to live.

Of course, my financee’s mood is going to affect me. Of course, my sister’s mood is going to affect me. My friends’ mood will affect me. The difference is how I react to it. I could do a better job of listening instead of reacting. I always have suggestions and I think I can solve everyone’s problems. I understand now that it comes off as pushy. If they aren’t ready to make those changes why do I think I can continue to push them?

I can only control what I can control. Lately, I’ve been concentrating on myself. I see or hear something and I think about my reaction to it. I think about what I can do to make the situation better. It’s easy to suggest something. The harder part is taking action.

Stop talking the talk. Start walking the walk.

That’s where I am now, I hope. Every day, slowly but surely, walking towards a better version of myself. As I push to make myself better my hope is that my loved ones will see my journey and realize they can do it too. The difference now is I am taking the steps. I am walking the walk.

Every time I put out one of these blog posts I feel vulnerable. After all, these are some of my deepest thoughts. I’m putting it out for everyone to see. I don’t care what strangers may think, but not many strangers are reading this right now. It’s my friends and family that are reading it. I’m okay with being vulnerable in front of them now. I never used to be.

What I’m already realizing is a change in my family and friends. We can have deeper conversations now. We can be more supportive of each other. Maybe they’re all going through the same things. After all, we’re all about the same age, 25 or so. All facing the similar challenges. We’re all thinking about how we can advance in our careers. We’re all thinking about how we can make our parents proud. How we can be a good partner. How we can start our own business.

The greatest change that I’ve realized is in one of my closest friends.

I used to write a blog a few years ago and I was fake. I used to talk about technology. I used to do it with the idea that I can gather a following and make more sales for Bazinga. He would troll every post. I look back on it now and I don’t blame him. He knows the real Mehmet and the person writing those posts wasn’t the real me.

Now, I think, he is a fan of my posts. He messages me after he reads the blog. He has suggestions. He helps me proofread. He posts genuine comments. What was the difference?

First, I believe I’m being real in these posts.

More importantly, I feel vulnerable in these posts. It may be coming across in the way I write. Since I’ve become more and more comfortable with this vulnerability my friends have realized it. Especially the one that was most critical when I wasn’t sincere.

My focus has changed. Lead by example. Another cliché. Yet again, it’s so true. If I continually strive towards my goals. If I continually do everything I can to be a genuine friend. Then, one day, I may become an inspiration to my loved ones to begin striving for their goals. I may not be there yet, but that’s quite alright. With time, my hope is that I will get to that stage.

I’ll always be there for my family and friends. Their happiness brings me joy. Their sadness brings me plight. I’m trying to grow myself to new heights. One of my greatest hopes is that my loved ones see my journey and have the realization that they can do it too. After all, if I can do it, why can’t they? If others can do it, why can’t I? Why not me? Why not us?

Advertisements

Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s