‘Professionals’

I put so much trust in people. Maybe too much trust in people.

As a 25-year-old navigating through life, many things are changing in my life. Many things I don’t have control over. I’m okay with that and I know I need to rely on “specialists”. I need to rely on people that should know what they are talking about. The question is, why don’t they know what they are talking about?

Today I went to see a house and the real estate agent said something and I believed her. She mentioned how at my price range we couldn’t afford a detached house. We should be looking at townhouses. We believed it.

A few later later she sent me a list of houses that sold in my price range and there are at least 20 on the list that are detached homes.

Am I crazy? How can someone make this mistake?

She says something and then sends me an email with facts that are contradictory to what she said. Did she forget what she said? Did she think I wasn’t listening? Did she think I wouldn’t take her seriously?

We have access to information. We can find out a lot, about a lot. The thing with this situation is I didn’t even have to do my own research. She sent it to me. I’m baffled.

This isn’t a small decision. This a huge decision in my life. It’s going to be my first house. Our first home. The first one we buy. I’m paying a good chunk of money to a real estate agent for their ‘expertise’. That’s why we hire real estate agents, isn’t it?

This entire evening Eliz and I were doing math. Going back and forth about what we can get and what we want off her statement. We were feeling desperate. Then she sends us something that completely goes against what she said before.

Do I put too much trust in people? I think so. This is one of those weaknesses that you say you have in a job interview with that infamous ‘3 weaknesses’ question, but I actually think it may be a weakness of mine.

I want to see the good in people. I want to think that people aren’t out to betray each other. I want to believe people aren’t trying to take advantage of each other. Reality is, some people are doing just that. Taking advantage of people’s vulnerabilities.

This is a recent experience. It’s fresh in my mind. I wish it’s the only one I can think of but there are plenty more. For instance, we went to ask about a mortgage. Before we showed up they asked us to bring some documentation with us. Once we get there, they asked for other things. How are these ‘Mortgage Advisors’ suppose to advise me when they don’t even know the documentation they need. Now I have to go back on another day to bring them the proper documents? Is my time not as valuable as theirs? I won’t be going back there. No, thanks.

I’m making a lot of decisions right now that are going to affect me for years to come. I must be smart and I must do my research to ensure I choose the best options.

I blindly believe service people that are supposed to be professionals. They are supposed to be the experts. This is my fault. I get it. The consumer should do their own research. I’m realizing that more and more now.

There are many great service pros. Lots of people that take their job seriously and understand the effects of their actions. I have a financial advisor and he has been great. He’s always been helpful. Answers my questions. He understands that I am going to take his advice seriously.

At the end of the day there are a lot of people out there that you are better off staying away from. It’s easier to make those selections when it comes to real estate agents or mortgage advisors. I probably won’t use this real estate agent again. I won’t go back to that mortgage broker.

Now, let’s dig deeper.

Many of us have people in our lives that are the bad real estate agent. As I get wiser I’m starting to understand more clearly that not everyone has ambition. Not everyone is trying to do bigger and better. Not everyone is trying to move forward. Many are fine with where they are. With who they are.

There’s a running joke within my group of friends about how I had many close friends but now I don’t speak to them anymore. I think about it occasionally and I’ve come to realize that they didn’t have the passion I have. The drive I have. Maybe we simply grew apart. Maybe I was a bit harsher and I didn’t want to waste my time with them. In a way, it was my way of unconsciously surrounding myself with people that I can look to for ambition. I do this consciously now.

I mentioned that I deleted many of my contacts on social media. I’m glad I did. I’ve cut out a lot of ‘Friends’ that I wasn’t getting anything from.

The hard part is doing that to extended family. When I was younger and away from my family for 8 years I had this idea in my head about my family. I thought about my extended family often, but I didn’t really know them. I knew them through the stories my parents told. They didn’t tell us about the negatives. Only the encouraging stories.

As I visited my family more often I began to realize that I may never get along with some of them. This is more evident to me now more than ever. I think about my guest list for my wedding and I think about all the people I don’t want there.

How can I leave them out? It would be a huge argument. My parents would be in the middle of it. I don’t want to put them in that position. I also don’t want people at my wedding that don’t bring me happiness. In fact, I don’t want people in my life that don’t bring me happiness.

I have family members that I grew up with that have hurt me. Hurt my family. My fiancé. Am I obligated to have them in my life because they’re family?

Why?

They’re negative people. They don’t care about how their actions affect people around them. Yet, I think about it. I lose sleep over it. Do they care? Maybe. Maybe not.

Maybe I did something wrong. I think about that too. It’s a hard pill to swallow to know that someone you grow up with turns their back on you without a reason. No fight. No argument. It’s puzzling.

I’m trying to let it go. I’m getting better at letting things go, but things like this still linger in my mind. Still pop into my head when I’m alone.

Surrounding myself with positive people. With people that have ambition has always helped me. It was my dad that told me something when I was about 11 or so. It was along the lines of “You are part of a group and that group is a part of you”. He was referencing the group of friends I had. I took that seriously. I still think about it. He wasn’t referencing my extended family, but I think it applies.

I continually try surrounding myself with positive people. Positive thoughts. It makes a real difference.

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Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

2 thoughts on “‘Professionals’”

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