Non-Perfectionist

Three times now I’ve started writing and deleted everything I’ve written. This time I won’t do it. Whatever hits the page is staying on.

Well, except the portion that I proofread.

I’m not good at proofreading. Nearly every time I’ve written a blog I’ve received a message about a typo or a grammatical error. My sister is convinced I don’t proofread.

I do. I’m just not great at it. I think I’m getting better at it. It doesn’t matter much to me. I’m not doing this to sound smart. I’m just writing to let some emotions go and share my thoughts with my loved ones. For whatever reason this blog has become that medium for me.

Point is, with or without grammatical errors, I’m getting my message across. People are enjoying my posts. At least that’s the vibe I’m getting.

I’m saying it doesn’t have to be perfect. I’m not a perfectionist. Not at all. I do my best. I do what I can. I understand it’s not going to be perfect. Maybe this is a weakness. Maybe it’s a strength.

I figure if I get 90% of it right then the last 10% is going to work itself out. We are looking at houses. None of them are perfect. Unless we build our own it’s not going to be perfect. Even then I doubt it will be 100% what we want. It’s not going to be perfect. I accept this. I’m okay with it.

The way I look at it, if I can be happy with it, if I can be happy with my effort, then I’m happy. It doesn’t matter if I don’t get that perfect house. That may not come along for another year of searching for houses. I don’t have the time for that. Or the patience.

Therefore, it’s a strength. I could proofread my work. Proofread it again. Then I may decide to change something. Then change something else. By the end of it the point I was trying to make, in my moment of writing like a mad-man, may change. That’s not the point of this blog. It’s not what I’m trying to do.

I make mistakes. We all do. It’s better to accept it. Otherwise, I may fixate on something. Continually think about it. Concentrate on that 10%. If I do that, I’ll never enjoy the other 90%.

This goes for my life in general. I can always think about the thing that is not perfect. The gym I go to has a sauna in the men’s change room and the steam room in the women’s change room. I can fixate on that. I can decide to move to another gym. Alternatively, I can accept the fact that I won’t get to use the steam room. It’s not a great system but it isn’t in my control. I’ll accept it and continue to go to the gym where I continually make new friends and have my best friends there.

That’s a very basic example. It popped into my head. It could be deeper. Think about the 10% of your life that may not be perfect. How often do you concentrate on that?

I do this all the time. Despite not being a perfectionist. I can’t even imagine how it is for people that fixate on small things. I think about the 10% of my life that isn’t exactly as I want. The situation that I can’t control. I think about how I can approach it differently. I think about what I can do to make it better. I try. I try again. It doesn’t help. It’s not in my control. Even when I understand this, I still can’t let it go. It’s that 10%.

I’m trying to limit the amount of time I spend on those things that aren’t perfect. I’ve already accepted that my life will never be perfect. We all struggle. That’s a part of life. In fact, that may be one of the fundamentals of life. We need to struggle. We all go through things.

It doesn’t always work out. It’s not always in my favour. I accept it. I simply need to stop fixating on it. I need to stop thinking about it. That 10% is occupying too much of my time. Too much of my mind.

I’m not saying it’s all I think about. However, if I realize how valuable time is then I need to realize that even a minute, fixating on something I can’t control, is too much time.

I don’t know if I should write this next portion. It’s personal. I feel my hands starting to shake a bit thinking about writing it but it’s the one thing that is occupying my mind the most while I write this post.

I have a cousin we grew up with. We were all always together. Despite that I don’t know if we were ever close. I’m close to her brother. I don’t think that matters too much. Maybe it does. I don’t know. The thing is we were always on good terms. She was my little cousin. My sister and I always looked after her. We basically grew up together.

In the past year, she’s grown distant from us. I’ve been thinking about what I did. What my sister did. What Eliz did. I can’t think of anything. I’ve talked to my aunt about it. We’ve had conversations but it doesn’t seem to lead anywhere. I don’t think it’s up to me to do anything. I’ve done nothing wrong. She wronged me. She wronged my sister. She wronged Eliz.

Maybe she doesn’t care. Maybe she does. I don’t know. I fixate on it. For the better part of last year this was one of the reasons I used to grind my teeth at night. At the end of the day she’s family. That’s important to me. Family is important to me.

I don’t have any control of this situation anymore. I told her mom, my aunt, what needed to happen. I’m older than her. In Turkish culture that means something. I told her what needed to happen. It hasn’t happened. I think about it. Not as often as I used to but I still do. I don’t want to. It’s just that 10%.

I count my blessings. More often now than I ever used to. I understand that 90% of my life is amazing. I’m thankful. It’s these type of things. It’s this 10% that I need to learn to let go. I believe I’m getting better at it. I don’t grind my teeth. Well, at least, not nearly as often. That’s an improvement.

I know. I get it. There are people out there that are way worse off than me. I know. I see that too. That’s why I count my blessings. It’s just I can’t help but think about this. I’m not complaining. It is what it is.

I have things I can’t control that I wish I could. I’m not a perfectionist. I could always say, “That’s good enough.” I think this has helped me in my career. As a salesperson, you don’t always hear what you want. If I know I did all I could then it’s good enough for me. I can learn from it. I can feel this already helping me while preparing to launch Invictus Beard. Nothing is perfect when you are first starting out. How could it be? I’m learning everything new. I’m making mistakes. Learning as I go. I accept it. It’s a strength. I wish I could do this more often in my personal life. I wish I could do it when it came to family. Maybe one day.

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Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

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