Toxic

Lots have happened since my last blog. Lots of good.

I just have this one line in my head about how I would start my next blog. It was something like…

Eliz went to a “Tupperware Party”.

That’s a pretty good line I think. I’m starting it with that…

Eliz went to a “Tupperware Party”. You may know what I’m talking about. It’s when a bunch of people, predominately women, get together and one woman sells something.

In this case it was chemical free cleaning supplies.

We’ve kind of been on this ‘hippy’ road with Eliz. Becoming vegetarian. Meditating. Doing yoga. All these things that are, for lack of a better word, frowned upon. Not as if people say it’s bad to do it. I just mean people make fun of it. My friends make fun of me for it. I don’t mind. Some people may not understand our life choices. That’s okay. Some may disagree with it. That’s even better. We can talk about it. I can learn something from people that disagree with me. I think that way now. More than I used to.

Anyway, she went to this Tupperware party. She brought back a few items. Small things that don’t require chemicals to clean with. It makes sense when you think about it. We use so many chemicals to clean our floors. Our clothes. Our plates. I can’t imagine all of those chemicals are good for me. Good for the environment. Using less may be a great thing.

Ridding ourselves of toxic things. Toxic things disguised as helpful. Toxic things disguised as cleansing.

Toxic.

As we usually do, let’s dig deeper.

Let’s talk about other toxic things disguised among us. For instance, McDonald’s salads. Marketed as being good for you but once you add that dressing, it equates to more calories than a BigMac. I know what my friends are thinking. How could a vegetarian be speaking poorly of salads and, in a way, choosing the BigMac? I’m simply showing how there are many things out there that are presented as being great for us, when in fact, they are poison.

I felt I needed another example before sharing what I really wanted to because I want to show that I’m noticing these things.

Toxic things disguised.

Toxicity disguised.

It’s more evident to me now, more than ever, that this applies to people. It applies unreservedly. It applies unequivocally.

I had, up until a few days ago, people in my life that are toxic. Toxic disguised as caring. Disguised as supportive. Disguised as loving. Disguised as family. Toxic, nonetheless.

It was incredibly difficult for me to realize it. Took me a long time. All the signs were there. I ignored the signs. They are family after all. Swept it under the rug. Told myself it’s okay. It’s normal. I became accustomed to telling myself that. I became conditioned. I conditioned myself.

Conditioned myself to think their poison was just a misunderstanding. Conditioned myself to think it was okay for my mom to admit fault when she was being wronged. Conditioned myself to hide happy milestones in my life to avoid ridicule from these people. These poisonous people.

My mom and sister did too.

We kept thinking it’s normal for people around us to act this way. We were all so conditioned that the most obvious signs were being ignored.

Two days ago something happened that we couldn’t ignore anymore. My mom hasn’t been feeling well. As I’ve mentioned before my sister is pregnant. Toxic people came to my house and verbally attacked them. Attacked my mom when she’s been feeling ill. Attacked my sister when she is pregnant. What if something happened to my unborn nephew? What if something happened to my mom?

I have been approaching tough situations with the ideology that I can say, “Good…”. This is one where I said “Great!”

I’m glad it happened. Yeah. Glad.

We needed it. We all needed to see something we couldn’t ignore anymore. It took us too long. Entirely too long. Years too long. We should’ve removed ourselves from the maliciousness long ago.

It’s very difficult for me to realize something when I’m in the middle of it. Up until a month ago, I used to watch a lot of Turkish soccer. There seems to be an argument or fight in every match. The referee always does the same thing. He completely removes himself from the situation. He watches it from a distance. He isn’t in there breaking it up. He watches it all unfold.

I was in the middle of it. I didn’t realize what was happening. I’m glad there are people around me that began telling me these things aren’t normal. The referees. As soon as I began to realize it, I began to understand the malice in their actions.

These toxic people are what we call haters. We all have haters. I am happy when my friends are happy. I’m happy when my family is happy. Seems simple to me. It’s actually the simplest thing to me. When others smile. I smile too. Haters don’t. Haters aren’t happy when I’m happy. I couldn’t comprehend this. I couldn’t understand it. How? How can someone not be happy for me when things are going well? I am so happy for them when things are going their way. Not everyone is like me. Not everyone is like that. I used to think I knew what a hater was. I don’t think I knew entirely. I am positive I know what a hater is now.

I didn’t expect it from family. Especially, the same people I grew up along. I’m so grateful that I found out when I did. I’m nearly 26. Less than a week away. 25 has been a great year. Amazing year. This is the best birthday gift for me. Ridding myself of vile people.

I deserve happiness. My sister deserves happiness. My mom deserves happiness. These people actively tried to prevent our happiness. Continually. For years. During big moments in my life. During big moments in my sister and mom’s lives. Not anymore. That’s why I’m so thankful.

I don’t ever have to worry about these people ruining my nephews birth. Ruining his first birthday. Ruining moments in my life. My children’s lives. My wedding.

I may have pitied them. I may have felt pity towards them. I don’t. I ask myself the same questions I asked earlier. What if something happened to my unborn nephew? What if something happened to my sister? My mom? There isn’t any pity. Remorse. There is nothing. For this, I am immensely grateful.

I’m on my journey. I’m on my path.

The other day, my supplier sent me pictures of what my packaged product for Invictus Beard will look. I’m doing it. I’m moving up in my career. I’m doing it. I have been writing this blog. I’m doing it. Eliz and I are selling our house. We’re doing it.  I’m doing these things. I’m on my path. My journey to the top has begun. I don’t have room for toxic people. I don’t have room for haters. I don’t have room for people that are preventing my happiness.

The older I get, the wiser I become. The more books I read, the more I can relate it to my own life. I’m excited. If I was able to get to this point in my life with these haters trying to block my path, imagine where I’m going to be in the next 25 years. I can imagine it. The view is great.

Once again, I must show my appreciation for my fiancé. My immediate family. My sister, mom and dad. My friends. Again, it is with their love and support that I come to realize that these other people are toxic. I don’t have the energy to spend on them anymore. I’d rather spend it on my loved ones. They deserve my energy. My love. I choose to share my happiness with my family and friends. Happiness. They deserve it. We deserve it. I deserve it.

 

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Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

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