Real

J. Cole is my favourite artist. He has been for 7 years now. I always said if I could rap, I would say what he says. I just watched an Instagram video of him talking about how he approaches material items. I remember watching the interview where he said, “Don’t place your value on things…Love is real”.

I believe this unequivocally.

Today, my friends were talking about some guy that made money from selling mattresses. Supposedly, the guy spent nearly $200,000 in Vegas one weekend. – I’m not impressed.

I’m not saying he should do something else with his money. I’m simply saying that’s not something I am striving to do. I am working on making money. Lots of money. More money than I’ve ever seen. My goal with that money isn’t to spend it on material items. I know that won’t make me happy. So I think about what I’ll do with my money once I have it.

I’m going to get that big house. Not so I can tell people I have a big house. I’ll get the big house to have gatherings with my friends, family, and their kids. A place everyone can come to be together. What’s the point of a big house if I can’t enjoy it with my loved ones?

I look at material things as if they are all toys. At the end of the day that’s what they are to me. Toys. I’ve never had much fun playing with toys alone. I could play PS4 by myself and grow bored quickly. If I play with my friends I can play for hours. The PS4 is a means to an end. The point is to enjoy my time with my friends. I don’t need the console. It’s just nice to have.

I’m going to start investing more time into the relationships I want to blossom. To do this, I first needed to subtract relationships that were eating up all my time. Negative people will do that. I have spent too much time on them. Trying to help. Trying to change their point of view. Trying to have a relationship. Why? All wasted effort.

The more I think about my time the more I think about the people I want to spend it with. I needed the time that I was wasting. I need that time for people that deserve it.

Since I’ve started writing this blog I feel closer to each of my friends. I feel closer to my family. My future in-laws. I’m vulnerable when I write this. I think people understand it. The other day my friend mentioned family that he stays away from because they don’t have any ambition. He said he would be working at McDonalds if he stayed close to them. He is doing very well for himself. In fact, he mentioned the other day that he reached out to someone and simply asked for advice. Maybe I had something to do with it. Doesn’t matter. I liked hearing that he did it.

Few days ago, someone said my thoughts were reminiscent of how a woman thinks. My friends are going to have a field day with that line. Even I had to ask what she meant when she said it. She explained that women experience emotions differently. I believe that.

I watch Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. I like to see how comedians think. In one of the episodes Jerry Seinfeld said something like “Women are a more advanced species than men.” I’ve thought about that quote. It comes rushing to me sometimes when I talk to Eliz. When I talk to my mom, sister, mother-in-law.

I spend my days working from home. I never used to get involved in the types of conversations I’m involved in now. I didn’t know about how my family was being treated by other people. Eliz has opened my eyes to so many things. My emotions are one of those things. I’ve always been an emotional person but I would keep everything in. Then one day flip out. I don’t think that’s healthy.

I digress.

I think what the person I was speaking to about my blog was trying to say is, I am writing my thoughts out and I think she can relate. She may worry about things. Be anxious about certain things. Maybe she only heard these types of thoughts from other women. Maybe that’s why she said it.

The reason I think that is because my friends and I don’t really get into these types of conversations too much. We talk about work. Our career goals. Before I started writing this way, I never had the conversations with them that I’m having now. It’s tough to be a 25-year-old man today. Maybe it’s tougher to be a woman but I’m not saying this to make it a competition. I’m saying it’s tough for us.

The family dynamic has changed. However, many of us still feel men should be the ‘bread winners’. Maybe that is how it is. The thing is, we are in an age where our lives are different in many respects to the ones our dads faced at age 25. Most of our fathers didn’t leave school with crippling debt. They didn’t have to search too long for a secure job. They may have stayed with their company for decades. They didn’t have to respond to emails at 8 pm. They didn’t need to check their phone every few minutes for an update on an important project. They weren’t constantly reminded how ‘awesome’ everyone else’s life is through Instagram. We all deal with these things.

On top of all that we were told ‘Boys don’t cry’. We can’t show emotion. We can’t share things with our best friends because we are worried of what they may think of us. Why? Why must be suppress our emotions? It’s tough out here. It’s tough to live in today’s day and age. House prices are laughable. Yet I’m supposed to buy a house. I have a car but it’s not that car so I have to work to get that one. Jobs don’t pay nearly as well as they used to. We’re simply supposed to take all these pressures and keep moving day in and day out. No wonder there are so many bald men walking around. That stress peaks its head in some form. It always does.

Now that I’ve given my friends enough material for a few weeks I can finally begin concluding this post.

I’m becoming more comfortable with sharing my inner thoughts with my family and friends. I’m getting more comfortable in having those uncomfortable conversations. I’m getting more comfortable with asking my friends questions that may be ridiculed. I’m getting more comfortable in my own skin.

I’m beginning to understand how much we are all going through. For whatever reason, we all put on this façade as if everything is great. We basically try to live up to be the person we continually display on our Instagram. Life isn’t that easy.

I realize how much I need my family and friends. The relationships I have with them is real. The conversations I’ve started to have with them is real. The bond we continually strengthen is real. As Cole said, “Love is real.”

 

 

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Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

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