Change

The other day I spoke to my friend. I don’t see him often. He lives an hour away from where I am. He began talking about my blog. I wasn’t even aware he was reading it. He mentioned a post before but I didn’t know he was following my posts.

I’m always nervous when discussing the blog. A lot of what I put out on here is personal. It makes me feel exposed. I feel as if I’m out of my comfort zone. Discussing the blog in person really takes me out of my comfort zone. I didn’t know what he was going to say. I didn’t think he would be malicious or say anything negative but I still felt nervous.

He said my writing has inspired him to write.

That may be the biggest compliment I’ve received regarding my posts. Everyone I’ve talked to mentions they like the realness in my posts. The authenticity. I’m very excited to hear that my posts may inspire someone to do something for themselves. Whether that’s writing. Starting their own business. Having that conversation that they’re afraid to have. If I can be of the slightest help then I feel as if this blog is already rewarding.

Yesterday was Eliz’s birthday. We all went to see Beauty and the Beast. It was a great movie. I felt as if I could really relate to the Beast. I don’t think I was ever intentionally unkind. It’s just I think about how much I’ve grown in the past few months. I think about the younger version of me. How much I’ve changed. Eliz helped me in it immensely. Taught me many lessons.

My Facebook friend list is small. My Twitter is the same. That’s where I’ve been sharing my posts because I was comfortable with people on those lists reading my blogs. Yesterday, for the first time, I shared one of my posts on LinkedIn. It was another step out of my comfort zone.

The confidence to share the blog on LinkedIn came from the conversation I had with the same friend. He’s also in sales. He understands that people buy from people. He thought my blog must be helping me in my career. He said if potential clients are Googling me then they can see what type of person I am. I don’t think many clients are Googling me often. I didn’t give this much thought. I’m writing this post for me. To get some of these thoughts out of my head. If it helps potential clients understand the type of person I am, then great. Well, it’s great if they like what they read. Maybe I come off too emotional. Too soft. I speak to C level executives. Maybe some of them don’t think the way I do. Maybe they’ll think I’m just another entitled millennial sitting in a Starbucks writing a blog.

Full disclosure: I’m literally sitting in a Starbucks writing this blog.

I needed to get out of the house. I’ve been working from home for 3 days straight. I haven’t had client meetings where I had to go to their office. I used web conferencing. I needed to leave the house and go somewhere with other people. Granted, I’m looking around this Starbucks now and it is quieter than a library. It’s full. Everyone is looking down at their device.

I spark up conversations with strangers sometimes. I wish I would do it more. It’s interesting to hear people’s stories. Be a part of their lives, even if just for a moment.

I’ve been stressing about the sale of our condo unit. The market is crazy hot. It seems to be a great time to sell. That isn’t the portion that worries me. It’s the fact that we are looking to buy a house. The prices are ludicrous. We’re very fortunate to already be in the market. My friends are laughing at the idea of the type of down payment they’ll need to buy a place. I don’t know how this is maintainable.

I still haven’t ordered the Dvorak keyboard. I’m not afraid to order it. I think I’m afraid of the change. It would just be another thing that is changing in my life. There is already so many things changing in my life. New job role. I’m just getting used to it. New coworkers. New business venture. New place to live. Looking to get a new car. I can take it. I understand that change is good. It still worries me at times. Many things are out of my control. A real estate agent will be listing our place. Offers will come in. Ultimately, it’s our decision but we don’t control the market. We don’t control what happens once we buy a place.

Did I bite off more than I can chew?

I don’t know. It doesn’t feel that way. Hopefully it never does. We all have things going on in our lives. We all have so many balls in the air. We must juggle work life. Social life. Relationship life. Family life. Friends of mine have a full-time job. They have serious girlfriends. They are buying a new place. They’re still young so they still want to hang with friends. They also understand that they need to start a side hustle. Something that will give them extra income.

We’re all going through it. They seem calm. Collected. Like things are under control. I think I do a good job of making it seem that way too. It’s simply not like that sometimes. Am I lying to them? Am I lying to myself? I feel I need to put on the brave face. As if everything is all going according to plan. Maybe it is. The plan is to make enough money to free myself from the daily grind. Maybe these things are steps towards that.

That’s what I hope it is. It’s just so hard to tell. I’m making all these moves and asking myself, is this the right thing to do right now? Is it the right thing to start a side business while I was recently promoted? Is it the right time to move while the market is so hot?

For me, the way I decide is taking a minute or two and asking my future self. If I could talk to my 30-year-old self what would I tell myself? What does he want? I ask him. He says sell the house. He says buy a place. He says start a business. I hope he’s not steering me wrong. I’ll meet him someday, hopefully. 30-year-old Mehmet. Until then, I won’t know if all these steps are in the right direction. We’ll have to wait and see.

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Author: Mehmet Akcagliyan

I am the Master of my Fate. I am the Captain of my Soul.

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